Why I Wish I Was an NPC

Sometimes I think how nice it would be to just be dumb.
Not because I want to put myself down. Not because I think I’m above others.
But because sometimes I see too much.
I understand too much.
I question too much.

And it’s exhausting.
It wears me out.

I wish I were an NPC.
One of those people who just scrolls through life.
Who believes whatever the TV says.
Who goes with the flow, joins the crowd, shouts what everyone shouts—without ever asking why.
Who books a vacation while the system collapses around them.

"I wish I were an idiot."

Because ignorance protects you.
It protects you from constantly seeing this madness:

The absurd politics.

The double standards in media.

The inversion of logic, decency, and normality.

This fake morality that doesn’t want to help—but to dominate.

If I were stupid, none of that would matter.
I’d just believe what they tell me.
I’d think:

"Of course we’re saving the world with heat pumps."
"Obviously more diversity officers will bring more justice."
"Naturally, weapons bring peace."

But I can’t.
Because I instantly feel when something’s off.
Because I recognize where it leads.
And then six months later—it happens exactly that way.

"I’ve tried to reduce my IQ—really."

Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my brain.
Because life would be easier then.

I’d wake up and think:

"Cool, Netflix tonight. Book a trip to Mallorca tomorrow. BBQ on Sunday."

And that would be it. No thoughts about inflation. About energy policy. Migration. Pensions.
No looking at long-term consequences.
No connecting the dots.

But I’m not built like that.
I think too much.
I see things too early.
And I say them out loud.
And for that, you get hated.
Called a pessimist.
A conspiracy theorist.
A troublemaker.

But all I want is for this whole thing not to go completely off the rails.

"I wish I were dumb enough not to understand what’s happening."

When people ask me why I’m so critical, I say:
Because I can’t stand how stupid this country has become.
Not because people are dumb—
but because they are kept dumb.

And many go along with it.
Because it’s easier. More comfortable. Less painful.

But for me?
For me, it’s torture.

I see too clearly where this is heading.
And I ask myself:

"Are you really too dumb to see it—or do you just not care?"

Both are terrifying.

Conclusion: I wish I were an NPC—but I’m not. And that’s my curse.

Sometimes I wish I were an idiot.
Dumb enough for this world.
Just go with the flow.
Just switch off.
Just... let go.

But I’m not.
I’m cursed to think.
To question.
To analyze.

And if that makes me cynical,
if it makes me hard,
if it makes me angry—
it’s not because I hate.
It’s because I’m heartbroken.

I wish I were dumb enough for this world.
But I’m not.
And that’s why I write.